This is the oneshot I submitted for Yunho’s Birthday Oneshot competition on Yunho-sshi forums eons ago. It was the winning fic.
***
Happy Birthday to you~ Happy Birthday to you!~ Happy Birthday dear Yunho!~~~~~ Happy Birthday to you!!
“Yay!!!~” everyone cheered and clapped as Yunho blew out the candles on his cake.
Yunho couldn’t remember the last time he was happier and when it came time for receiving his presents, he got even more excited when he looked at the present towered over him.
“Waaa~”
He stared at the giant white box wrapped in an equally huge green ribbon. Yoochun and Changmin appeared with a mini ladder, which elevated him just enough that he could look over the top of his huge present. He looked into the box expectantly, but all he could see on the inside was black.
“Where’s my present?” he asked but at that moment, he felt a hard push on his back and he fell head first into the dark abyss.
Free falling, he lost all sense of time as he just continued falling through the darkness. He wanted to scream but he couldn’t. He could even feel his body tense as he readied himself for the hard landing.
Then out of nowhere, a light comes on and lights up a small space below him. It was a bright white light and in the light he could see himself, sound asleep on his bed. His sleeping figure got closer and closer.
“WAH!” Yunho screamed as he sat up abruptly in his bed. He let out a sigh of relief as he realised it was just a dream. He lifted his hand to run in through his hair but it hand rubbed against something soft and –
Fluffy?
Yunho turned to his right and found a sleeping figure lying next to him completely dressed in a crisp black suit complete with coattails attached. He frowned as he bent over the figure to get a better look at his face.
“Yoochun?” he said to himself in surprise. Yoochun shifted a little at the sound of his name but was soon back to his motionless sleep next to Yunho.
Yunho turned his sights at the white ball of fluff and fur which seemed to be protruding through the back of Yoochuns pants. It looks like a tail, he thought to himself. He then proceeded to ease his finger towards it. Lightly poking it the tail twitched in retort making him pull back his finger.
“What the-” but he was cut off by a shrill ringing of an alarm clock.
Yoochun sat up as abruptly as he did and pulled out a pocket watch from his pocket (where else would he put it? -.-) Looking at the watch, slaps his hand to his face while his mouth formed a perfect ‘o’.
“AH!” Yoochun squealed in a cute nasally voice. “I’m late!”
“Yoochun ah!” Yunho called.
Yoochun got out of the bed and ran towards the door still yelling the same phrase over and over again. “I’m late! I’m late! I’m late! I’m late! I’m late!!!”
“Yah! Yoochun ah!” but Yoochun already slammed the door closed leaving an opened mouthed Yunho alone in the empty room.
What on Earth could Yoochun be late for that he isn’t? Also, did Yoochun suddenly sprout bunny ears? Yunho shook his head as he pulled the covers off him and got out of the bed. Somehow, he had this overwhelming urge to follow Yoochun, wherever he was going or to whatever he was late for.
Yunho pulled the bedroom door open and was greeted by the most astonishing sight. Speechless he just stared in silence at the super modified apartment. Modified doesn’t even begin to describe how different the apartment was the last time he saw it.
There was an infinite amount of doors all over the apartment. It was still an apartment, in away… but also in a way, it wasn’t. There were doors on the ceiling; the floor the sofas, the lamp shades and even the plasma screen of the TV was replaced by a blue door.
Okay… Yunho thought to himself. Which one of these doors did Yoochun disappear into?
Yunho pulled open a door closest to him, a door which had a candle and what seemed to be a cake etched on it. He shrugged and opened it. His mouth fell open as his eyes fell on the contents behind the door.
Thousands upon thousands of cakes slathered in bright pink icing with an equally bright pink candle stuck right in the middle of them. He shut the door immediately.
“Definitely the wrong door….”
The second door lead to a room flooded with huge bubbles and the third one had teddy bears filling it to bursting point. Yunho slammed the door shut before the mountain of bears could collapse on him. He let out an exasperated sigh. At this rate, he would never find Yoochun.
Yunho brushed off the cotton that was stuck on his shirt from the fluff room, cursing at the fluff bunny that attacked him with a hug. He sat down on the couch and leaned against a bright red door which had replaced the soft cushions of the sofa. He let out another sigh.
“OI!” came a muffled cry.
Yunho froze. A voice. He heard a voice yell-
“OI!” the muffled voice yelled again. Yunho began to look around him for the source of the voice. He must be hallucinating. Of course, he was surrounded by random doors attacked by a fluff bunny and almost squashed by a pile of soft toys, could do that to a person.
“You’re sitting on me!!!”
Yunho immediately stood up in shock. He stared at the red door that he was leaning on. “Did the door just talk to me?” he asked himself aloud. “No way….” he immediately told himself. “I’m just hearing things…”
“No, you’re not…” Yunho turned to the door and bent down on his knees to better examine the red door. “Damn, you’re heavy…”
Silence.
Did the door just call me fat? Yunho narrowed his eyes.
“What’re you looking at?” Yunho fell back in shock.
Were his eyes deceiving him? Or did he really see what he saw?
Yunho examined the doorknob, from a safe distance of course, and found that inconspicuously disguised as screws were the eyes, the knob was the nose and the mouth was a dainty little keyhole.
“What? Never seen a talking door before?” the keyhole moved in a human like way.
“Er…” Yunho didn’t know what to say. “No actually…”
“Really?” the doors tone abruptly turned from sarcasm to one of interest. Yunho nodded in response. “Well then, pleased to meet you.. Call me, Red.”
Yunho smiled. He’s never made an acquaintance with a door before. “Pleased to meet you too…I’m Yunho…”
“Ah, Yunho-sshi!~ I would shake your hand but I would rather you not touching my nose…” Yunho stayed silent. What could he say to that?
“So, whatcha lookin’ for?”
“I’m looking for Yoochun…” he said. “Have you seen him?”
“Erm… No, I haven’t seen a Yoochun….” the door answered. “What is he?”
“Not what… Who…” Yunho corrected. “He’s dressed in a black suit, has a fluffy tail and bunny ears. Screaming ‘I’m late!’… Ring a bell?” Yunho asked hopefully.
“AH!~~~ Micky-shii~~” the door exclaimed all of a sudden.
Yunho straightened himself up. “You’ve seen him?” he asked excitedly.
“Yeah, he went through here…” Red said.
“Here? Where?” Yunho asked looking around hopefully.
“He went through me, silly…” Yunho immediately reached for the doorknob and pulled it, but the door wouldn’t budge.
“I’b locked…” Red said, his sarcastic voice returning. “You need a key…” he said as Yunho retreated his hand back.
“Oh…” he said. “But I don’t have it…”
“Then you can’t get in..” Red said simply.
Yunho felt his expectations crash like a rock into the pit of his stomach. “Is there any way I can get another key?”
“Yeah…”
Silence as Yunho waited for Red to continue.
“Well?” Yunho went as a couple minutes of silence went by.
“Well what?”
Yunho let out a deep breath. This door was really getting on his nerves.
“Where can I find it?” Yunho asked as calmly as he could.
“Oh… You can get it from the Cheshire Cat…” Red said.
Yunho stood up and brushed himself off. “Cool… Where can I find this Cheshire Cat?”
“You go down…”
All of a sudden, an open door appeared under Yunho’s feet, pulling him into the darkness. Yunho began to fall making him feel like he’s experiencing déjà vu. But the freefall didn’t last as long and he landed rather painfully, backside first onto a silver plate.
CRASH!
He could feel the ground beneath him shake at his landing and in the corner of his eye he could make out bits and pieces of what looked like cabbage fly everywhere.
A sharp pain shot up his butt. “OW!!~~~~~~~” he wailed.
“Oh, my God! They sent a live one!”
“Weee~~~~ Sushi! Sushi!”
Yunho tried to open his watering eyes and found that he didn’t land on the ground as he had previously thought. He looked around him and noticed that he was on a long rectangular table full with various kinds of food and desserts.
He looked down and noticed a silver platter dressed with cabbages and tomatoes, which were scattered in places. Then his eyes fell upon two figures standing on either side of the table holding a knife and a fork in their hands. They were eyeing him suspiciously.
They were both dressed in gothic Lolita type clothes. The shorter one was wearing a cross between a suit and a uniform while the other was wearing a black and red two piece with lots of lace. Both had extremely thick make up and eyeliner on, which made them look more scary than cute. Let’s name them Mad Hatter A and Mad Hatter B.
“Did they forget to cook it?” Mad Hatter A asked as she put on her pink bib.
“Can we eat him now?” asked the other.
Yunho immediately stood up, ignoring his aching butt. He had no intention of getting eaten. He needed to find the Cheshire Cat. But standing up didn’t make things any better than they were.
“AH! The food is running away!”
“JOONGIE!!!!”
Joongie? Yunho stopped in mid jump and stared at the girl in the skirt. Does she know Jae Joong? But Yunho had no time to think and he jumped off the table, landed with a flourish and began to run.
“JOOOONGIIEEEEEE!~~~~~~” they both screamed.
Out of nowhere, a tall dark figure appeared before Yunho, stopping him in his tracks. Yunho crashed into him hard, knocking him back off his feet and landing on the floor. Damn, how many times can a guy fall in one day?
He looked at the motionless figure under him. A fair faced, brown haired Jae Joong greeted his eyes. Jae Joong looked up at him with his bambi eyes and blinked at Yunho who was crouched above him.
“Jae Joong?” he said in surprise as he tried to stand up.
Indeed it was Jae Joong who was standing in front of him, though more scarcely dressed than usual and kicker was the black cat ears protruding from his head.
“Not you too…” Yunho whined getting off him.
“Ow….” Jae Joong wailed as he rubbed the back of his head. “What on Earth…”
Yunho saw that he was wearing nothing other than a red silk robe, which barely covered him and Yunho could just make out a hint of his Calvin Klein boxers under the short robe. And hanging on his neck by a thin silver chain, was a small key with a crown on it.
The key.
“Joongie!!! The food is running away!” the two little Mad Hatters screamed as they came running towards their direction.
Yunho turned his attention from the two sprites to Jae Joong and the key. “Sorry, Jae…” he apologised before pushing him back down, slamming Jae Joongs head into the ground and pulling the key off Jae Joong’s neck forcefully.
“AH!! THIEF!”
Yunho got up in a hurry and began to run like mad. He got the key, now he needed to put some distance between Jae Joong, the cannibalistic sprites and him. Yunho ran into the forests surrounding the area and kept running till he could run no more.
He tried to catch his breath while leaning on a tree. “I… need to….work…out…more…” Yunho told himself as he gasped for air.
Suddenly, the tree disappeared and a dark hole appeared in its place. Yunho fell in and found himself freefalling again. After a brief moments fall, he fell through another hole and landed smack bang onto the sofa, face first.
“Ow…” he said as he rubbed his nose. “What the hell is with these holes?!”
He was back in the living room, right next to the red door from before. He sat up and checked his nose. Yep, still intact though a little sore.
“Oh, you’re back!” a familiar voice exclaimed. “That was fast…. Did you get the key?”
“Yeah…” Yunho said and immediately pulled the key out of his pocket and jammed it into the keyhole. He wasn’t in the mood for chitchat.
“Mmhmmmhffhfhf…” Red mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Mmhmmmhffhfhf!!!”
“You know what….Never mind…” Yunho said and turned the key.
The door slid open with ease, revealing a green filled background. Yunho examined it cautiously. There were huge hedges that towered over his head and a weird squealing in the air. Yunho crawled through the small door and into the room behind it.
The door closed with a soft click behind him and Yunho brushed himself off and looked around. It looked like he was in some type of maze. Yunho walked forward and his ears were suddenly stimulated by a faint squealing in the air.
It sounds quite familiar. Soon the squeals were accompanied by claps and cheers. He found himself unconsciously following the sounds of the squeals and claps through the twists and turns of the maze. Slowly, the squeals became louder and Yunho could identify some other words.
“Bambaya~~”
Yunho looked up towards the sky and found that the sky was split into night and day. On one side the sun surrounded by blue skies and on the other, a full moon surrounded by dark skies littered with twinkling stars. He was right in the middle of the two. It was neither night nor day where he was standing.
“Bambayaa~~” the sound was getting louder now. Yunho grinned as he finally recalled where he heard that from.
He turned another corner and found an opening through one of the hedges on the day side of the maze about a few feet in front of him. He ran towards it and faced the strange entrance. Another strange sight greeted him.
Junsu was on a circular stage in the middle of a garden, dressed in magnificent robes and a golden grown resting on his head. And on the side, sitting on a tiny chair and cheering his ass off was Changmin, dressed in an equally beautiful dress also with a crown on his head.
“Junsu? Changmin?” the words escaped his mouth before he could think.
Almost immediately Junsu and Changmin went silent as they turned their attention to a confused looking Yunho. Changmin immediately got up, lifting his skirt he walked angrily towards Yunho.
“Who are you calling Changmin and Junsu?!” he huffed as he stomped a foot down. “And how dare you disturb the King and his practice?!”
“Err….” King?
“He is the King of Hearts!” Changmin said as he looked lovingly at Junsu who was striking a manly pose on the stage. Changmin turned back to Yunho. “And I’m his queen….The Queen of Hearts!”
“O-kay….” Yunho said. Now he was sure everyone has lost their mind. “So, have any of you seen Yooch- err…. Micky anywhere?”
“How dare you talk like that to the King?!” Changmin suddenly snapped in a girly type of way. “You commoner!~”
At that moment a pair of arms wrapped around Yunho’s waist and another pair on grabbed one of his arms.
“What the-”
“Gotcha!” yelled Mad Hatter B. “Get back your Majesty!”
“He’s a runaway thief!” yelled the one in the dress. “He’s dangerous!”
“What is the meaning of this?!” Junsu suddenly spoke up as Changmin ran into his arms.
Yunho began to struggle. “Get off me!” he yelled as he tried to wiggle out of Mad Hatter A’s grasp.
Jae Joong suddenly appeared out of nowhere and poked Yunho in the chest with a finger. “You….” he said menacingly. “Thief…” He had his ears folded back and an arm was holding a bag of ice to the back of his head.
“What do you mean he’s a thief?” Junsu asked. “What did he steal?”
“He stole my key…”Jae Joong said still glaring at Yunho. He turned around and gave a serious look to Junsu. “The key…”
“Look I just wanted to find Micky!” Yunho said as he wriggled himself out of the sprites grasps and looked pleadingly at Junsu. Hoping that maybe somehow he would take pity on him.
No such luck.
“Guards!!!” Junsu screamed.
***
Yunho glared at the jury before him and at the Junsu who was playing judge. Yes, literally playing judge. Yunho was being tried for thievery. The guards, who if he remembers right, were Kangin and Siwon dressed in card suits. Then Kangin knocked him out.
He rubbed the spot where Kangin hit him. It was still a little sore.
“I call Micky the timekeeper to the stand….” echoed a weird voice from nowhere.
Yunho’s head lifts up and he sees Yoochun walking up to the witness stand. Right then he was a little pissed at him. If it wasn’t for Yoochun and that fluffy tail of his he wouldn’t be in this mess. He glared at the little white bunny tail before it disappeared behind the stand.
“Do you know this man?” Junsu asked.
Yoochun nodded and answered. “Yes, I know him. I slept with him…”
The room immediately filled with gasps and cries of outrage. Yunho rolled his eyes.
“Excuse me?” Junsu asked again.
“Nothing like that! I just slept next to him…” Yoochuns voice trailed away.
“And how may I ask did you end up sleeping next to him?”
Yoochun was silent for a moment. Yunho felt like he could’ve just gone and smacked Yoochun right there and then.
“I don’t know….” Yoochun answered in a bewildered voice, as if he couldn’t believe that he himself did not know the reason.
The room filled with cries of surprise again and Yunho let out a sigh. This whole thing is going nowhere fast.
“I call the Cheshire cat to the stand,” the weird voice echoed again.
“Okay… I might be wrong..” Yunho mumbled to himself.
Jae Joong slinked into the witness stand and for the first time, Yunho noticed a long black tail flip around cheekily after Jae Joong. He raised an eyebrow. Jae Joong looked good with a tail.
“Did this man physically assault you?”
“Yes…” Jae Joong nodded. “He hit me on the head and stole my key…”
“And what key was that?”
“He stole ‘The Key’…”Jae Joong answered.
Yunho frowned. He said he was sorry. Loads of times, in fact. He recalled his many apologies in the spade shaped cell he was kept in.
The trial has been going on for hours now and it was time for the jury to reach a verdict. By the looks of things, he’s not going to get off easy.
The question wasn’t whether he was guilty or not. He was guilty, there’s no doubt about that. The question was, what were they going to do to him once they did reach a verdict?
And all a sudden, the one of the jury stands up. Yunho takes a deep breath and holds it as the lead juror announces. “We find the defendant guilty of theft, assault and on the charge of sexually engaging a minor…” The juror looks at Yoochun, who was seated on the far side of the room pitifully before he returned to his seat.
Junsu looks at Yunho and says. “Jung Yunho, I hereby sentence you to death by cuteness…”
Yunho looked up confused. What kind of sentence is death by cuteness? He shrugged. That doesn’t sound so bad.
“You will be subjected to fatal amounts of cuteness until you die…” Junsu said and slammed the hammer down. “The court is adjourned…”
“Kyaa~~ You’re so cool, your Majesty~~” Changmin cooed lovingly to Junsu.
Kangin and Siwon appeared again and grabbed him by the arms. It was turning out to be a hell of a day for Yunho. He was lead into a dark room and thrown inside. As the door closed behind him, the lights suddenly came on, hurting Yunho’s eyes.
In the brightness, he could make out a small figure standing in the centre of the room. When his eyes finally adjusted to the light he found himself staring at a small mini Yoochun.
“What the….”
“Hi, I’m Micky Yoochun! Let’s play!” it said.
Yunho’s eyes widened as he realised the true implication of his sentence.
Suddenly, another figure appeared from behind the mini Yoochun. It was a mini Junsu in an angel costume.
“Eu kyang kyang!” Junsu laughed.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” Yunho said and sat down in disbelief. This is death by cuteness?
“Hi, I’m Micky Yoochun! Let’s play!”
Yunho looked up and noticed that both the mini Yoochun and angel Junsus had multiplied themselves by 4. Yunho narrowed his eyes. Now there were 4 laughing Junsus and 4 annoying mini Yoochuns.
He shook his head. “At this rate, I’ll be annoyed to death….”
“Eu kyang kyang!”
But when he turned back to the Yoochun and Junsu. They had multiplied themselves 10 fold now and Yunho was starting to feel a little threatened. The ‘eu kyang kyang’s and ‘let’s play!’ had multiplied by 10 and chorused so loudly together that Yunho could not even hear himself think. Then, they began to multiply again by the hundreds then the thousands.
This isn’t cute… Yunho thought as he was being smothered in mini Yoochuns and angel Junsu’s. This is definitely not cute!
They soon filled the room to bursting point. It was so crowded that Yunho was gasping for air. He couldn’t breath. He tried to but it was so hard, he began to struggle. He moved his body furiously to try and get to the surface. He moved and thrashed until-
BUMP!
“WARRGGHHH~~~~”
“Yunho! Yunho! Wake up Yunho!”
Yunho snapped his eyes open. He found himself staring up a worried looking Yoochun.
It was a dream?
“Are you okay?” Yoochun asked. He was dressed in a t-shirt and his usual pajama pants. No suit. Yunho let out a sigh of relief. “Were you having a nightmare?”
Yunho sat up and rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah… I was having a nightmare…”
“You okay?” Yoochun asked again.
“Yeah… I’ll be fine…” Yunho answered. He was extremely relieved that it was just a dream. “What?”
“Huh…. Oh, nothing…”
“I’ll get you a glass of water…” Yoochun said and got up. “Just take it easy…”
“Yeah….Okay, thanks….”
Yoochun turned around and headed for the door. Yunho’s eyes widened. Right there, snuggled rather comfortably on Yoochuns backside was a fluffy white bunny tail.
-End-
***
Thanks for reading! If you're cringing, I forgive you. This was (and probably still is) the standard for fanfics back then. If you're confused, I don't blame you. You wouldn't get this unless you were a TVXQ fan from the early 2000s. There are lots of references from different places, so I can see how it can get confusing.
On another note, this was the first piece of writing that made me genuinely proud back them. I had never won anything with my writing, so when I found out I won that voucher (the first price was a voucher), I was stoked. I'm literally smiling right now while thinking about it. haha
I don't know why I stopped writing fanfiction and stopped reading it,
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